Someone originally sent this to me in the late 90s. I still think it’s kind of funny.

MANLY QUIZ:

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

   a.  lovemaking
   b.  screwing
   c.  Driving the pigskin bus into tuna town
   

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

   a.  your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
   b.  your blood-test results
   c.  five tequila slammers
   

3. You time your orgasm so that:

   a.  your partner climaxes first
   b.  you both climax simultaneously
   c.  you don't miss Sportscenter
   

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

   a.  healthy, creative love-play
   b.  not the sort of thing your wife would ever agree to
   c.  not the sort of thing your wife needs ever find out about
   

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:

   a.  the best part of the experience
   b.  the second best part of the experience
   c.  $100 extra
   

6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:

   a.  No concern of yours
   b.  not a problem, she can join your gym
   c.  a conservative estimate
   

7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

   a.  a myth
   b.  an oxymoron
   c.  a moron
   

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

   a.  appetizer is to entree
   b.  primer is to paint
   c.  a line is to an amusement park ride
   

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

   a.  "I hope we can still be friends,"
   b.  "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep,"
   c.  "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
   

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

    a.  needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort
        of intimacy
    b.  is uptight and a waste of time
    c.  shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first
        place
    

SCORING:

• If you answered “a” more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
• If you answered “b” more than seven times, check into therapy, you’re still a little confused.
• If you answered “c” more than 7 times, “YOU DA MAN!”

Keli recently signed up to play with cats for two hours a day, one day a week. Seriously, she was all over that (“Is there a catch?!”). To cover their bases (just in case kittens decide to maul her, which would be the cutest way to get seriously injured) the Multnomah County Animal Services requires her to list an emergency contact. Me. Choosing my relationship to her proved to be… interesting.

The full list is below. You can choose between “mom,” “mon,” and “mum,” three “fiancé” options, the generic “family” or the very, very specific “Rosa’s step-father.” Among many other options.

It’s worth taking a look.

503-658-5419
ATE Coordinator
aunt
Aunt/Adoptive Mother
best friend
boy- friend
Boyfriend
brother
care giver
casemaniger
cousin
Co-worker
dad
Dad and Mom
Daugher
Daughter
daughter (adult)
DOM,ESTIC PARTNER
Domestic Partner
Faimly friend
family
family friend
family member
Father
Father.
Fiance
Fiance'
fiancee
Foster mom
foster mother
Friend
friend of family
friend/friend
friend/roomate
Friends
Gaurdian
Girlfiriend
Girlfriend
grandfather
Grandma
Grandmother
Grandpa
Grandparents/legal guardians
Host mom
host mother
Husband
husband/dad
husband/father
Husbank
husbund
Job Coach
live-in caregiver
Manager
mom
Mom and Dad
Mom and Stepdad
mon
Mother
Mother/Grandmother
mother-in-law
mum
My Aunt
My Dad
my mom
My mother
Neighbor
Owner of Company
Parent
Parents
Parrents
partner
Room mate
Roommate
Rosa's step-father
s/o
same
Sig other
Significant Other
Sister
Son
spous / father
Spouse
Step dad
Step Dather
Step Father
step mom
Step Mother
step-father
stepmom
step-mom
Stepmother
Supervisor
Uncle
wife

I noticed that the mds process had been a little too active on my 2009 MacBook Pro running 10.7.1. mds would be idle for a second, then be at 20-70% of CPU for a few seconds, then back down, then spike again. Endlessly. Long story short: I noticed if I wasn’t watching a baseball game on MLB.tv, the activity was fine. I traced the issue to Flash Player, and in particular the Flash Player Logs folder (~/Library/Preferences/Macromedia/Flash Player/Logs). The flashlog.txt and policyfiles.txt files kept getting updated, triggering indexing, it seems. Excluding that folder, actually its parent folder, ~/Library/Preferences/Macromedia/Flash Player, from the Spotlight index seemed to keep things under control. This probably isn’t a problem for many people. I run the debug version of the Flash Player, which causes the flashlog.txt to update when playing SWF files. I don’t know what the deal is with policyfiles.txt, though. It’s a plain text file that’s over 130MB! Gotta investigate that…

The morning light was cutting through the leaves of the walnut tree outside the kitchen window. It felt a little bit like this.

Single glass Lensbaby + Aperture + Flare

This site has been going around the interwebs for a while and I finally took a look at it. As luck would have it, there was a dot on Irving Street, between 3rd and 4th Avenue, which is exactly where I used to live. I clicked the dot to load the picture.

After I got my bearings it hit me: the building on the far right is my old building, looking very much like it looks today. The 3rd floor apartment was mine. And here’s an interior shot of the window that faces due west.

I love San Francisco. Or at least the idea of it. When I go back now I’m happy I moved away. But I have tons of great memories from living in that place. And I love old pictures. So I probably got a little bit too much satisfaction out of seeing this. It also explains why I like “Bullitt” more than anyone probably should.

Post-Jobs, Apple Needs to Open Up

via Post-Jobs, Apple Needs to Open Up | PCWorld Business Center.

Does anyone have their head farther up their ass than Katherine Noyes?

When I first heard about Coffee Joulies on Kickstarter, I thought it was one of the dumbest things I ever saw smart people get behind. Looks like I was correct.

Because of software and process patents any company could be sued for almost anything. It is impossible to know what the next patent to be issued will be and whether or not your company will be at complete risk. It is impossible to go through the entire catalog of patents issued over the last 10, 15, 20 years and determine which will be used to initiate a suit against your company.

via Mark Cuban

It wouldn’t be the least bit surprising to me if the methods I’m using to estimate split distances and finish times in Splitcaster is infringing on some patent someone filed fifteen years ago. But how would I know until I’m sued? This hasn’t even happened yet, but it very easily could, and that in itself pisses me off.

On the flip side, maybe I “invented” this on my own. Should I go through the process of patenting it so that I could then go through the process of suing people who steal my process, either on purpose or inadvertently? No. It’s a no win situation for small businesses and solo developers. The only winners in the software patent wars are the lawyers and the big businesses who can afford to pay them.

I had a little bit of fun with an old super-zoom digicam, iMovie, and the squirrels in the tree out front.

I guess I need to expand my selection of hip-hop sung with a Jamaican accent.